


A Very Homestuck Halloween

by theycallmedean (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I don't fuggin know, Karkat's a dick, Late halloween story, So Very Meta, Something to do with a werewolf?, T for potty mouths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/theycallmedean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kids have beat the game, and Halloween is fast approaching. What better way to start to celebrate the holiday with a party at the Strider's place? However, something seems off with Jade. Something very cliche....<br/>NOTE: Currently on break, will resume in a few days!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jade: Wake up

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey, what do you know, I'm making a VERY late halloween fanfic about Homestuck! Why? I... Have no idea.  
> Anyway, first fanfic, enjoy the ride. More to come!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one of our main characters has a rather confusing morning.

A girl in her mid-teens awakens in the forest outside her house. Her long, black hair is a mess, and so are her pyjamas, being caked in dirt and slightly torn. She has no idea how she got here, and simply shrugs it off as sleepwalking.

 She’s been very prone to do this before, but back then, she had a robot to sleepwalk for her, and a Dreamself… But now she is here, in the universe she and her friends have created by winning a “game.” 7 of her friends, including herself, have also ascended and become the new gods… Well, sort of. It’s sort of more like a guardian duty, now that she thinks of it.

 Anyway, point is, she and her friends have been returned to an Earth much like the one from what they referred to as Universe “B1.” Their 12 alien companions were given their own planet back, and quickly began reconstructing their society as rulers of the planet. From what she’s heard, things are going apparently well. Good for those guys!

 But yes, the girl and her human friends were sent to another Earth, pretty much the exact same as the one she was from, and honestly? It’s great. She gets to meet her friends in person WAY more now, since they all pretty much attend the same school, and she has her own house to herself! (which she of course, was able to create herself thanks to winning the game. Nothing fancy, just a two story… Mini mansion. Her friends preferred to re-create their own homes, but she wanted to try something new.) TOTALLY beats living on an island with an all-powerful dog and her dead Grandfather. Not that she misses that life, of course. She defiantly will miss Bec. But, in a way, he’s pretty much always with her. Actually, that’s exactly the case. Long story.

The girl gets up, dusts herself off, and walks back towards her house to prepare for another day of school. She honestly doesn’t know why everyone she knows has negative opinions on that place, it’s surprisingly fun!

But now that we think about it, this girl DOES have a name. A name that we all know and love. And that name, is Farmstink Buttla- Actually, no. That’s honestly quite rude and silly to call her Farmstink, and even she agrees.

In reality, she is Jade Harley, the Witch of Space. And she has no idea what series of events awaits her later this night.

0_0 wait events? i thought we were done with all these shenanigans....

oh well on with the story!!!! :D

The plucky lass continues to trudge along, ignoring the reader’s confusion about the breakage of the fourth wall.


	2. John: Go LEARN SHIT.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Heir of Breath begins another day of school, and prepares for a party.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You have a mild fascination for paranormal lore, you are an AMATEUR MAGICIAN and PRANKSTER, and once held a fondness for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You also enjoy being around your FRIENDS, who you played and won a GAME with, resulting in you becoming one of the GODS of the new universe that you have created. You are also the HEIR OF BREATH. Of course, even GODS need education. You are currently trudging along the sidewalk to your school. Another day of educational torture and harassment from other students is bound to ensure.

You arrive at the front doors to the school. Huh, that’s funny. By now your friend and Ectobiological sister JADE would be somewhere around here. She’s always pretty early for school, a bonus of being able to TELEPORT due to her FIRST GUARDIAN abilities. Today, she’s nowhere to be found! You wonder if she fell asleep getting ready, as that tends to be something Jade does often. She’s been saying that she has not been getting very pleasant nights’ worth of sleep, and sometimes wakes up in strange places. You assume she’s just been sleepwalking for some reason, and that it’s no big deal. Your friend ROSE, however, would probably try to psychoanalyse the shit out of her to find the cause of said sleepwalking.

Shrugging off the apparent lateness of your friend, you enter the school. The day proceeds as normal, with Jade arriving later. Yup, she says that it’s been another sleepwalking accident, except she woke up face down in the forest. How does she manage to do all that? Throughout the day you study, hang out with your friends, and occasionally end up getting assaulted by some douchebags. You know, dumb old school junk.

As you leave for home, your best bro DAVE STRIDER walks up to you.

oh, hey dave!

yo

so me and dirk were sorta planning something

its halloween tomorrow right

uh, i think so yeah!

sweet

anyway we were gonna throw a sick ass early party tonight

because we might as well just spend a night going around and knocking on fucking strangers doors mugging them of candy on actual halloween

kinda like costumed hobos

and just sorta spend the night after actually partying

like adults do

wait, really? so like… beer and stuff?

what

no man, I just mean we have a party like people with actual fucking dignities do

instead of spending the holiday going around begging for sugar like 5 year olds

well, it sounds pretty cool, dave!

hell yeah it does

i asked rose and roxy if they’re coming

same with jade

they all pretty much agreed

course jane is sorta busy at that dumb convention with jake over in

fuck

where is it

san fransisco, i think? never heard of “halloween-con” before.

sounds more like a lot of horseshit excuses to cosplay for the hell of cosplay

eh, i think they’ll have a pretty good time.

oh, hey, i think I have an idea of who we could also invite!

alright

well… it’s a secret, so i’ll just show you when they get to the party.

damn it egbert

are you seriously pulling the secret guest trope on me now

why, what’s wrong with it?

nothing

i dunno

you could have told me earlier

well okay then. i gotta get back home now, Mr Crocker doesn’t really like it when i linger at school and junk.

dude are you still living with janes dad

well, yeah. he looks exactly like my dad, but i guess he’s more my parallel self’s son?

i still don’t know how that works, but he and jane agreed to let me live with them, since… you know.

yeah man i feel you

dirk isnt really bro but i guess im ok with that

yeah man, your bro was like crazy weird, right? god, imagine having to live with puppets littered around the house 24/7. that would just be creepy.

nah man dirk is in to puppets as much as bro is

hes just not rubbing fucking puppet proboscises and plush rumps in my face like bro did all the time

heheh. well alright, i’ll see you tonight dave! by the way what’ll you go as?

easy

im going as my god tier

uuuugh, really? that’s so unoriginal!

so

might as well go as the coolest guy i fucking know

whatever man, i’ll see you tonight!

You walk off back to your shared home with Jane. You’ve been living with her and her Dad for a month now, and it’s crazy how much he’s like your old dad! A bit too similar, you think. Oh well, you don’t really mind. Having your dad back in any iteration would make you feel happy. But when Jane and her dad are around, they usually tend to bake a lot. UGH. The thought of cakes piling up in the kitchen makes you sick to your stomach. These people need to know moderation!

You can’t help but think about Jade’s sleeping problems. Usually she’s a pretty deep sleeper, and the rest of the time she’s almost narcoleptic! How she could feel tired is beyond your knowledge…. Oh well, it could just be sleepwalking issues. Something tugging the back of your mind is telling you that it might not be the case, though…


	3. Dirk: Get this party started.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Strider Bros prepare for a party. Nuff said, bros.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm actually surprised people are reading this. Thanks guys! As always, I'll make sure to keep updating this. Expect more antics, banter, and the main plot soon!

You are now DIRK STRIDER, PRINCE OF HEART. Holy SHIT you love PUPPETS. If you weren’t so DAMN ALOOF and your parallel-universe-kind-of-bro DAVE requested you didn’t, you might get described in all kindsa ways. You have a knack for DRAWING comics that some might consider BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC, and building ROBOTS. You are a RENESANCE NINJA, a master of IRONY, and BODALICIOUS RAPPER, tying in with your bro with how bodacious your sick beats are. As of right now, you are currently looking for your latest robotic work, the DAVEBOT. You had just finished building the guy as a sort of prop for the EARLY HALLOWEEN PARTY you and Dave are currently preparing for, but it appears to have gone missing just after you activated it. You wonder where it went….

jegus christ what the fuck is this shit

Suddenly, Dave’s voice is projected all throughout your apartment! You rush to his room, where he just simply looks at you.

dirk

Dave.

can i ask what the fuck am i seeing here?

i mean

god

what the fuck

The Davebot seems to be lying on Dave’s bed, in a seductive manor. He gives Dave a wink, and a dumb little wave.

Well, it looks like your brobot is trying to seduce you.

what

What do you think it looks like? That robot wants you, Dave.

okay

wow

do not tell me you built that thing to fulfil your gay ass and fucked up fantasies

or just built the thing to fuck with me

if you did

well

i dunno

i guess id just pour some bleach in my eyes and start some sick fires between us until we just agree to erase this memory from our minds forever

I can assure you, I didn’t build that thing for any Homosexual intent,

I don’t even remember programming that thing in. It must be some sort of bug.

bug are you fucking kidding me

this is not a bug

this is god damn robo porn

Whatever, I’ll deactivate the thing if you’ll shut up about it. I basically made the thing as a prop. I guess some leftover code must have accidentally been installed into its CPU.

You retrieve from your TECH-HOP SYLLADEX your DEACTIVATIOR, a little device you created that can remotely shut down any one of your robots. You figured you’d build this after you moved in to the apartment, particularly after a mishap involving a rap battle robot you built for you and Dave to double team the fool. Poor guy could NOT handle getting owned so hard that he straight up freaked the fuck out and started trashing things. You press the button on the DEACTIVATOR, and the robot shuts down, slumping, and rolling off Dave’s bed.

leftover code

dude what the fuck you did build a gaybot

Can you chill? It’s only for ironic purposes. I mostly made that code for the freaking laughs.

no way dude

that is 100% a fucking gaybot replica of me

i dont even want to ask why

You know what, who cares,

The apartment is almost done, we might as well get the rest of the decorations up.

Don’t forget your costume bro.

alright fine

enjoy your gaybot

You walk out of the room, the robot in your arms like a sort of robo-bride. You carry him over next to the couch, and stand him up next to the edge. You made sure to reactivate a little part of his eye, to give him a Terminator vibe to it. Your best bro JAKE gave you the idea to have a Terminator prop, but expressed his disappointment when you told him that you would model the robot the way you always do, and not like an actual Terminator skeleton robot thing. Guy probably only mentioned it because of the metal skull they have for heads.

After a little while, you and Dave get in your costumes, you wearing a dumb Dracula outfit you picked up the costume store, for the sake of looking ironically dumb. Your apartment has been fitted with a metric SHITLOAD of Halloween props. Fake cobwebs, plastic bats, pumpkins- Wait… You were PRETTY SURE there were a few pumpkins lying around. Oh god damn it, you thought Roxy quit with all the Appearifying shit. You’re going to have a word with her if she actually manages to show up. It is currently 7:30 at night. Your first guest should be arriving at any moment.


	4. Dave: Answer door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a certain Knight meets his guest, and two unexpected ones.

You are now DAVE STRIDER. You are one hell of a COOL KID. You enjoy PHOTOGRAPHY, SICK ASS JAMS, and COLLECTING DEAD THINGS IN JARS. You also like to have minor bouts of IRONY with your sort of BRO DIRK, albeit not as much from 3 years ago. Amazing what spending that much time on an asteroid can tell people about themselves, but we’re getting off track. You have finally set up your APARTMENT up for the Halloween party you and DIRK have been preparing. After a few minutes of waiting, the doorbell rings, announcing the first guest of the night. You get off the couch, and open the door. As predicted, your best bro JOHN is there in a surprisingly accurate GHOSTBUSTER costume. Standing next to him are….

Oh.

No.

Hell no.

Hell fucking no.

H3Y COOL K1D! N1C3 P4RTY YOUV3 GOT GO1NG!

GOD DAMN IT EGBERT, DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO BRING US HERE FOR A FUCKING EARTH HOLIDAY?

well technically it’s an early holiday party, but yeah it’s gonna be so cool! you’ll see!

Standing next to John, and now in your house, are two Trolls that you’ve spent three years on an asteroid with, Karkat and Terezi. You sort of had a relationship with Terezi back then, but you broke up with her after finding out about her Kismessis with Gamzee. Honestly troll romance is a fucking mess.

john what the hell

how are they even here

theyre supposed to be on another fucking planet

oh! well you know sollux right?

yeah

well it turns out he’s been working on this little portal thing that can send people over to a random location on earth! Like, and interplanetary sendificator or something. I pestered them to come over for the party, and they agreed!

WE JUST DID THIS TO MAKE YOU SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

Wait, if you guys have a giant, interplanetary sendificator, why is the location on earth random?

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. SOMETHING ABOUT THE TECH BEING “EXPERIMENTAL” OR SOME BULLSHIT SOLLUX GAVE US.

so where was the location

OH, OUTS1D3 JOHNS HOUS3

Wait, what.

yeah, amazing right?

That honestly sounds more like lazy writing in fiction. The odds of that ever even happening are ridiculously low.

YEAH, WELL…. FUCK, I DON’T KNOW. LET’S JUST AGREE NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR VERY LONG.

D4V3, 1 MUST 4DM1T, 1V3 FORGOTT3N HOW D3L1C1OUS YOUR GOD ROB3S SM3LL.

Fuck. You just had to wear something to satisfy Terezi and her weird red fetish. Speaking of Terezi, you’ve sort of been wondering how these guys are handling ruling over their planet now. Eh, that’s a question for later.

wait john

wheres the trolls costumes

oh! well i figured since they’re already aliens they wouldn’t really need them? plus they sorta came at a pretty late time, yeah.

 That’s probably an excuse of “I didn’t have enough cash to buy them costumes,” but who gives a crap? The doorbell rings again, signalling the arrival of your next guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT to the EDIT: Fixed the dialog!


	5. Dave: Answer the door aga- Wait what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the chapter does a perspective troll. Albeit not troll, as in horned alien teenager.

Before Dave can answer the door again, the story suddenly switches character! How unexpected, albeit the main usage of the chapters is to switch perspective!

Whatever. You are now JADE HARLEY. You’re often described as being RATHER SILLY. You have a variety of INTERESTS, including GARDENING, MUSIC, MARKSMANSHIP, NUCLEAR PHYSICS, OLD CARTOONS, and ANTRHOMORPHIC ANIMALS. Three years ago you were always known for randomly FALLING ASLEEP. You thought you sort of fixed that after you ascended to god tier and merged with your dreamself sprite, who at that point was a BLUBBERING WRECK. The result of said merge also gave you some DOG TRAITS, like ears and some behaviour. You don’t really worry about the ears though. You usually just use your powers over space to shrink your dog ears under your hair. Anyway, you had thought you overcame your NARCOLEPSY a few years ago. You’re not quite sure why you keep randomly falling asleep, and feeling weirdly sick. You checked, you don’t have a dreamself in this universe, there’s no spider-troll causing you to sleep. You just assume that you must have picked up something, and you’re just under the weather.

You are currently in the LIVING ROOM of your three story house. Man, does being the god of space have its perks. At least the game was actually kind to you and your friends once you claimed the ULTIMATE REWARD. You have just woken up from another abrupt sleep on the couch. You’ve really got to look into that…. Maybe your friend ROSE can help you find out. Since she has been living with her ectobiological Mom-Daughter ROXY, her house is probably filled with science-y gizmos that could also help. Hrm…. You actually consider contacting her. You grab out your SQUIDDLES LUNCHTOP, and open up Pesterchum.

gardenGnostic [GG]began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 7:14

GG: hi roxy!!!

TG: heeeeey jade

TG: gurl

TG: did you hear abuot the party over at the stridors?

TG: *about *stier

TG: *stridur

TG: fuck it

GG: yeah i did!

GG: when is it on????

TG: uhhhh

TG: well me and rose are like at the front dor now

TG: so right now i guess

GG: what? oh noooooooo!

GG: im late!!!

GG: :(

TG: woh chill out man

TG: *woah

TG: you can do that psacy thing right

TG: jus grab a costumme and fucking teleport in the apartment

TG: be all like

TG: surprise and shit

GG: oh yeah, i forgot i can do that! it may be a bit hard though

TG: naaaah you totes got this

GG: thanks roxy! um… hey have you been drinking?

TG: eeh

TG: just a voddca monteeni

TG: *montini

TG: ill be fine

TG *wonk*

GG: hehe alright

GG: ill see you there!!!

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

at 7:16

Quick, you need a costume! You rush up to your bedroom, and look through your closet to try and find something to wear! Wait… You recall making something three years ago. It looked particularly spooky! You hurry down to the basement, which, thanks to your spacey thing, has an ALCHEMITER in the centre! You whip out your Pictionary modus, and start drawing. You acquire the captcha code, punch it into the Alchemiter’s PUNCH DESIGNIX MODULE, place in the punched card into the HOLOPAD, and use up some leftover GRIST. The Alchemiter creates the DEAD SHUFFLE DRESS. Yes! Just the outfit for a Halloween party! You put on the outfit. With the dress, and the dog ears, you really feel like you were ripped out of some sort of Anime. You quickly gather your energy, and teleport away. You suddenly re-appear, although in air. You fall to the floor, on top of… Something. You seem to be in the Striders living room! Standing above you are your friends John and Rose.

hi john! hi rose!

jade, hey! you made it! um… in mid air too.

I would probably advise you to get off the floor though.

why is that???

You’re sitting on Karkat.

Sure enough, lying underneath you is your alien friend KARKAT VANTAS.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT HARLEY.

 

 

 

Elsewhere, a First Guardian flies through the night. It is almost time. Tonight would be the night they would begin to build an army. Tonight would be the night of freedom. Tonight would be the beginning of the human race’s eventual demise. The earth belonged to nature. And now nature is FUCKING PISSED.


	6. Rose: Examine the room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Seer of Light examines things in the longest chapter yet. That's pretty much all to say on the matter.

Okay sure, that last part at the end of the chapter was weirdly foreshadowing, but maybe it’s essential to the plo- Oh okay fine of course it’s related to the plot, why WOULDN’T IT BE?

You are now ROSE LALONDE. You’re known for you interests in LITTERATURE and some rather odd PASSIONS for ELDRITCH GODS. The eldritch gods thing though… One time you asked this dumb crystal ball if they were actually evil. That did NOT go well. You also enjoy KNITTING and have a dumb hobby of writing FANFICTIONS about WIZARDS, much to the delight of your ectobiological Mom/Daughter ROXY. The two of you are currently at the STRIDERS APPARTMENT. Roxy is dressed as one of those “sexy kitties.” You are dressed as your TROLLSONA, Rosela Lalond…. Okay the name isn’t all that good, but putting your own name in the traditional troll six letter first and last names format was a bit harder than you expected. You and your love interest KANAYA sort of made this thing up as a joke, but… You’re kind of fond of it. Honestly, the Troll race fascinates you. Maybe once a teleportation system between Earth and the new Alternia is set up, you might pay her a visit and take a tour around the planet. Granted, this may have already been in development, as KARKAT and TEREZI are currently in the apartment now. You’re considering asking one of them if there’s a way back to Alternia. But for now, your friend JADE just appeared out of thin air, and landed on Karkat.

You help her up, and the party resumes as normal. Karkat just brushes himself off and walks over to the kitchen counter, talking to John.

**Rose: Talk to Jade**

Oh hey, a command. That’s new. You decide to strike up a conversation with Jade.

So it would seem you’ve appeared out of thin air. How’s that teleportation even going for you anyway?

umm…. it can get a bit confusing

but ive been getting REALLY good at it lately!!!

Can I ask why you needed to teleport anyway? Roxy told me something about you being late. Is that true?

yes…. i fell asleep again

i dont know why i keep doing it too! i thought i got over falling asleep randomly! and i keep waking up outside or other places after i fall asleep in my bed! whats wrong with me rose???

Hrm….

I’m honestly not quite sure what could be causing this, Jade.

you dont?

No. In all honesty, the inner machinations of your mind are an enigma.

Just then, unknowing to you, Jade thought of a milk carton spilling for some reason. What a dumb thing to think of and reference.

My best bet is that you might be suffering from some sort of post-traumatic stress after beating the game. I honestly don’t blame you. I sometimes still have nightmares myself. As for the sleepwalking, it could also probably be related to said stress.

huh… well okay rose! if you think thats probably whats going on in my head than i think you might be right!!!

for now i’m going to relax!

Well we are at a party.

oh yeah! hehe…

well i will talk to you later rose!!!

The dog eared lass walks off to another part of the room.

**Rose: Eavesdrop on Terezi and Dave.**

You eavesdrop on Terezi and Dave. The two appear to be talking about a bowl of M&m’s.

SO WH4T 3V3N 4R3 TH3SE?

m&ms

theyre candy

R41NBOW 34RTH C4NDY?

D4V3

TH1S 1S PROB4BLY TH3 GR34T3ST TH1NG YOUR P3OPL3 H4V3 3V3R CR34T3D

well just try it

its just chocolate in a shell

TH3 H3LL 1S CHOCOL4T3?

oh my god just eat one

Terezi grabs a red M&m, and pops it into her mouth. She chews on it for a bit, before eventually just sort of standing there… Gazing into the void. Either she was REALLY using her seer powers, or… She’s fazed by the tastiness of the candy. Sure enough, a single, teal tear trickles down from her eye.

god damn it pyrope

you had to eat a red one did you?

You look away. Terezi doesn’t seem to be snapping out of her candy bliss any time soon.

**Rose: Explain what the Trolls have been doing and why you have a Trollsona already!**

Alright, get ready, because this is a bit of a text wall. Not like this chapter is long enough already. About a week ago you and your girlfriend Kanaya Maryam were talking a bit about Troll society now that she and her 11 other friends had managed to claim rulership over Alternia. When they managed to find that this universe had another Alternia, one where their Mother Grub died out a few years ago causing their species to almost go extinct, they were claimed as heroes to their people after Kanaya managed to show them their new Matriorb.

 She is currently appointed as the ROYAL MOTHER GRUB CARETAKER. That term really needs a better name. Her other friends, some of which were given their proper bodies back thanks to the game, were appointed with other roles. Aradia and Vriska, the only two who ever managed to god-tier, became the planet’s new guardians

Feferi, being the only one of royal blood in her group, was appointed Empress, the old one having died years ago.

 Eridan was, surprisingly, able to get a position as Feferi’s royal protector and ambassador. He seemed to have apparently gone on an expedition to a sea-dweller village to negotiate things…

Sollux and Equius became the ROYAL INVENTORS, developing new technology and machinery to better their people. Equius finally designed a bow STRONG enough to withstand his immense STRENGTH.

 Nepeta… Well, you aren’t really very sure what she’s doing. Kanaya mentioned something about her… Being the Royal beast hunter or something. Oh well, they’d need SOME source of meat.

Terezi was apparently in charge of re-constructing the law system to base it more around the ones on Earth, as not ALL Trolls deserve death… Although her punishments to those who are considered guilty are a bit… “Hangy.”

 Gamzee appointed himself as “Royal Clown.” Whatever that meant. As long as he still had pie, he PROBABLY won’t kill everyone.

 Tavros managed to become head of the ROYAL GUARDSMEN. In all honesty, it was to help him build up his confidence by making him a leader of SOMETHING. So far, not many other trolls have joined… Then again he can just commune with animals to aid him, so that’s not that much of a problem for him.

 As for Karkat? Well… From what Kanaya said, he just seems to only be wandering around the castle, minding his own buisness… Something about him not wanting a role? Maybe it’s for some dumb Vantas self-loathing reason.

Anyway, during the talk, Kanaya told you that she wondered what you would be like if you were also a Troll. You found the idea strange, but oddly intriguing at the same time. You asked her more, and she described how she would picture you as a member of Alternia society. You became more and more engaged with the idea. Eventually your Trollsona Rosela Lalond came into existence. Kanaya even managed to give you advice on pulling off the costume.

**Rose: Eavesdrop on Karkat and John.**

Okay. You do that.

SO WHAT DO HUMANS EVEN DO ON THIS HALLOWEEN THING? THE FACT THAT THEY CHOOSE TO DO IT ONCE EVERY YEAR SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT.

wait you mean you guys don’t have holidays?

oh man, well halloween is one of those things, a holiday! People do it once a year for festivity.

WHY.

well it’s usually for like, a special celebration for an event in history. like christmas being about jesus’ birthday. halloween is some sort of celebration for this thing called hallow’s eve, or something.

SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT PEOPLE ENJOY REPEATING THESE DUMB THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN JUST TO CELEBRATE POINTLESS EVENTS IN HUMAN HISTORY? THAT’S DUMB AS FUCK.

well we also do it for fun and family!

WHATEVER. WHAT DO PEOPLE EVEN DO ON HALLOWEEN? OTHER THAN DRESS UP LIKE TOOLS AND DECORATE THEIR HIVES WITH POINTLESS SHIT.

oh okay, on halloween, we dress up like monsters, or other stuff, and usually we go around trick-or-treating?

THE HELL IS THAT?

basically we go around knocking on people’s doors for candy, and we fill sacks and buckets with them!

…

uhh… karkat?

JOHN. WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED EXCUSE FOR A FUCKING HOLLIDAY IS THIS?! YOU FILL BUCKETS WITH CANDY?! THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!

um…

DO YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT PEOPLE TO EAT SHIT THAT WAS IN… FUCKING. BUCKETS?!

You just decide to turn away. Honestly, Trolls and buckets just make for awkward conversations. As you do, you see that Jade has passed out again, and is snoozing on the floor. She suddenly wakes up, and gets herself off the ground. Dirk and Dave walk up to her.

Jade, are you okay?

umm…. maybe?

i kind of feel sick…

i think i should get some fresh air or something…

alright

might take you up to the roof

plenty of air or whatever

oh hey thanks dave! :D

Dave simply helps Jade stand up properly, and leads her out the door.

 

It’s been about a few minutes by now. Terezi has thankfully snapped out of her candy daze, and has gone to playing what seems to be a sort of poker game with candy with Dirk and Roxy. Heh, nice try guys. Terezi is pretty much BOUND to know the winning moves. Seer of Mind stuff and all. Suddenly, Dave bursts through the front door, looking a little panicked.

you guys arent going to believe this


	7. Dave: Actually get to the part with the Werewolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the story actually gets to the main plot. After 7 stupid chapters.

You are now Dave again, a few minutes into the past. Your friend Jade has been feeling a bit ill, so you decided to take her up the stairs to the roof of your apartment. The city surrounds your complex, and is glistening in the early Halloween moonlight. It would look pretty serene, but honestly you’ve grown up seeing this crap. It’s nothing special to you.

oh wow, dave this is amazing!!!!!!

wait serious

nah man

its just a bunch of buildings theres nothing really special about them

what are you talking about???

everything is so pretty and amazing!

i have never seen something like this before in my entire life!!!

well of course youd be impressed

you lived on an island with that fucking devilbeast remember

yes i remember!

i still sort of miss bec. He was a good dog…

best friend

best friend!

The two of you share a little laugh together.

whatever man

youre technically him now right?

well… yes and no…

when i died i resurrected as jadesprite… she was prototyped with bec and i guess when i came back dreamself logic made me not a sprite anymore but also fused me with dream jade and bec?? i dont know its confusing!

self-prototyping is pretty wack anyway

remember davesprite

Jade seems to look a little uncomfortable. ummmm… yes?

what ever happened to him???

man i dunno

i guess he faded out of existence when davepetasprite^2 or whatever the hell that thing was called became nepeta again

i kinda miss the guy

yeah… me too!

oh yeah didnt you live with him for three years

And date him

uuuuuuuuum… yes?

You two just sort of stop talking to eachother for a little bit. The conversation has gotten a little bit awkward… You feel some sort of presence… Kind of like when Jade uses her space powers.

hey jade

you doing something with space or whatever

no why???

dunno

felt something kinda like that

you felt it too?

i guess

wait what are you talking about again?

that feeling!

i dont know what it is but i notice it every time i go to bed!

what do you think it is

I dont know… the new first guardian maybe? bec sometimes gave me that feeling when I was around him…

weird

think it means anything

i dont think so…

Jade suddenly groans, and places a hand on her head.

you alright jade?

i don’t know…

Jade stands up, shivering. The dog ears on her head seem to be… Pulsing with something.

woah… i dont feel so… so… s- gruuuugh!!

Jade hunches over, green lightning emanating from her body violently. You stand up, and take a few steps back. What the fuck is going on?

Suddenly, Jade seems to change. Her hair becomes streaked with white, and the rest of her body shortly becomes covered in the same white hair. She seems to have become bulkier, and parts of her edgy-as-shit outfit are tearing. Her teeth and fingernails sharpen, and she just groans again before letting out a guttural howl. Silence looms between you two.

okay

yeah okay

what

are you for fucking serious right now?

author guy

theres like a bajillion other “jade is a werewolf” fanfics out there or whatever

what makes you think youre a special little fucking snowflake

transformation scene wasnt even that good 

Uhhh… Well, the fanfic has suddenly gotten pretty meta. Let me just… Fix that.

**Dave: Go back to the script**

You do that.

oh shit forgot

ahem

what

jade are you for fucking serious right now?

look this stunt is pretty cool ill admit

dunno how you pulled this off

grr…

but come on we all get it

youre part fucking dog

grr…

Jade seems to be approaching you slowly. She seems… Mad. Green lightning is still arcing around her body.

okay for realises

you can stop now

BARK!!!

seriously harley

not funny

Jade rushes towards you. You hesitate for a moment, and flash-step to the side. She winds up missing and trips, landing a little bit away from where you were last standing. You are SO not willing to fight her. For one? She’s fucking JADE. Harming her would be an absolutely retarded and dick thing to do, even IF she’s a terrifying-yet-strangely-adorable creature of the night. Oh yeah, plus she has powers over the FUCKING FABRIC OF SPACE. You hope to GOD werewolf Jade hasn’t figured out how to use them though. You quickly ABSCOND back downstairs, falling down in the process. You stand back up, and run towards the door of your apartment, slamming it open.

you guys arent going to believe this

John and Roxy’s eyes are on you.

dave? what happened? where’s jade?

did u fall dwon sum stares or something??

*staires

no wait

*stairs

yeah i did

but listen

i should have warned you bro! i should have warned you about those stairs!

damn it egbert is now really a time to use a fucking meme

listen the hell up

shits bout to hit the fan probably

what are you even takling abuot man?

john your sister is a mother fucking werewolf

As soon as you say that, pretty much everyone’s eyes are on you.

…

…

…

…

TH3 H3LL 1S 4 W3R3WOLF?

haha yeah right dave!

good one, my sister is part dog. real nice prank you got there bro.

for fucks sake john im serious

now listen we gotta

Before you finish that sentence, Jade suddenly runs through the door, crouching on all fours! She glares at just about everyone in the room.

grr…

What.

woah holy crap!

WAIT, WHAT THE HELL?

*le gaps*

oh my gosd

shes so FLUFFY

Roxy suddenly runs over to Jade, and starts hugging her.

arr???

fuck yeah its like huggin a pluhs doll

Roxy, you should really back away there, you’re quite literally hugging an apparent werewolf.

but shes so CUUUUUUUUUUUTEEE

CHOMP. Jade suddenly bites down on Roxy’s arm.

OWWWE!! D: … okay yeah shes evel

Roxy pries Jade off of her, and backs off. Jade continues to growl at everyone, green lightning pulsing around her. Suddenly, John steps forward!

windy thing! pchooooo!

John raises his hand, and a gust of wind blows Jade back through the door, where she hits the wall. She starts to get back up slowly. Apparently that just only made her madder. Nice job pooplord!

huh. so… does anyone here want to fight a werewolf jade?

No.

Nope.

FUCK THAT NOISE.

she fuckin bit me

screw that

SH3 SM3LLS L1K3 W3T LUSUS. P4SS.

Jade suddenly lunges back through the door, cackling with green energy. John has REALLY made her pissed! You all scamper off, you, John and Roxy run into the bathroom, while Rose, Dirk and Terezi run into your room. You and your group enter the bathroom, and lock the door. You hope to GOD she doesn’t figure out how to teleport it off its hinges or something.

well

i fucking told you so john

Tonight is going to be a long night…


	8. Roxy: Hide in the bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our heroes find themselves powerless. Oh dear, I spoiled the main plot point of the chapter.

You are now ROXY LALONDE. God damn you love wizar- Okay we should probably just skip the introductions and start thinking of a plan because you’re hiding in Dave’s bathroom with him and John and one of your friends is a fucking werewolf with space powers that is probably going to brutally murder you if you step outside! Okay, enough panicking. You need to think of something. You wrap a bit of toilet paper around your arm, the spot where Jade bit you. John just seems to look a bit concerned.

woah wait, roxy? did you get bit?

uhh… i think

kinda hurt but i dint care

*dont

oh man… uh… roxy, you do realize that means youre probably going to be a werewolf or whatever too, right?

oh shit thats right

fuck im dubm

*dumb

dude come on

werewolves are totally fake

what? no way! i just saw my sister as one dave! how can they not be real now?

i dunno man look

jade told me something about feeling this dumb presence or whatever

like when she was around her dog

im pretty sure that thing is causing her to be a fucking cliché

wait, so like when she went grimbark?

shit i rembember that

fucking battrewitch man

maybe yeah

so what do you think we should do? just wait for the sun to come up or whatever?

dude i have no god damn idea for this shit

you know what

roxy

yus???

can you try doing that void shit to see what jade is doing or whatever

oh yeah, good idea! the voidey thing could work!

alright brb

You stand still, and then… Nothing seems to happen. You’re not turning into nothingness or anything. In fact, you can’t even feel the sensation of it!

uhhhh... we can still see you.

whaaaaaaaat

yeah

youre standing out like a drunk girl in a bathroom

oh wait

what r you guys takling about???

im suoposed to be invis right now or sometihgn.

no, like, we can still see you!

wait hang on… does this mean…?

John opens the door a small crack. He peers out, before shutting it again, and locking it.

woah holy crap guys! jade isn’t… well, her lightning’s gone?

wait

so youre saying shes powerless now

maybe yeah! now we might actually have a chance to... uh. wait what was the plan?

i dunno

restrain her or something

oh yeah! i’ll just use wind powers or whatever.

John holds his arm out. Nothing happens…

wait what?

John tries again, straining.

uhh…

what

i can’t do the windy thing?

what

serious! i can’t do it anymore!

so wait

we dont have powers anymore

maybe yeah!

what the hell

woh

how is taht even possbile?

*posible

*prosible

*prosp bible

i don’t know! something must have happened, or maybe whatever happened to jade is effecting us somehow!

she doesn’t have powers anymore, but that means we don’t either for some reason! i guess we’re back on square one?

fuck

now what

i don’t know… maybe the others have something?

The three of you wait in the bathroom. Things are looking like complete bullshit right now.

Before we switch to the others, John has one last thing to say!

wait dave? what’s up with you and terezi? didnt you like… break up because of gamzee or something?

what the hell are you talking about

no we broke up because we lived on two separate fucking planets

and because of the fact that we just decided to get on with our lives

oh right! i retconned that… so that’s why you guys aren’t dating anymore?

pretty much

wow. it’s a good thing the story has this explanation, otherwise there’d be more plot holes than there already are!

john dont be meta

only me and jade can

besides

the author would obviously know how to avoid weird plot induced shit if he actually read the rest of homestuck in general

and how did all the dead trolls even get their old bodies back

why let gamzee have a royal position

hes a maniac

wait whats a hoemstuck?

nothing

now lets go back to the story already

**Roxy: Be Dirk**

You quit all the meta bullshit and be Dirk. You are currently locked away in Dave’s room, hiding with your friends Rose and Terezi. Jade is still outside… You can feel it. You need a plan… A really good pla- wait what are you thinking you’re literally with two Seers right now.

Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt you two in hiding

But we kind of need a way to get out of here and make sure Jade doesn’t possibly decapitate us and gnaw on our bodies.

Or whatever Werewolves do. I never really read up on them.

D1RK

FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON

W3R3 CURR3NTLY TRY1NG TO F1ND TH3 B3ST OUTCOM3 TO TH3 SITUATION

We’ve been doing this from the start.

Well do you two even have one by now?

UHH

SOM3TH1NGS… WRONG

1 C4NT S33

Of course not, you’re blind.

1 M34N 1 C4NT S33 4LL TH3 POSSIBL3 OUTCOM3S, J3GUS

It appears the same has… Happened to me. I don’t even know why this is the case.

Wait, the seers are blind? Oh. Hell no. JUST to make sure, you decide to try something. You instantly try to reach into Terezi’s body and at least FEEL her soul. Your hand just hits her skin, totally solid. What the hell? You could do this crap earlier. You’re the PRINCE OF HEART, that’s your thing!

D1RK WHY 4R3 YOU F33L1NG M3 L1K3 TH4T?

Well, you were right. Something’s totally wrong. I can’t even use my heart powers anymore.

So we’re powerless?

Essentially. This could be problematic.

Rose, you have your phone on you, right?

Yes, but I don’t think calling 911 is going to work in this situation.

JUST CONT4CT D4V3 OR WH4T3V3R 4LLR34DY 4ND QU1T W1TH TH3 SN4RKY HORS3SH1T

Very well.

Rose opens up the PESTERCHUM APP.

**tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 8:16**

TT: Dave, are you there?

TG: yeah im here

TG: having a pretty great time in the bathroom being hunted down by a werewolf

TG: the usual

TT: I’m contacting to ask you something. Our powers have stopped working for… I’m not sure, they just have. Has the same happened to you?

TG: yeah pretty much

TT: Really?

TG: yeah

TG: pretty fucking lame but i can deal with it

TT: Albiet there is a werewolf in your living room at the moment.

TG: well at least she cant be fucking with reality anymore

TT: Are you implying that even Jade has lost her powers?

TG: yeah i took a peek

TG: she stopped being the green lantern and some other lightning superhero’s lovechild all of a sudden

TT: Hrm… We may be able to use this to our advantage. We should find a way to distract her, bound her to or with something, and wait until daylight.

TT: By then she probably would have turned back to normal, and we can investigate.

TG: what makes you think that

TT: Werewolf logic.

TG: oh

TG: well get thinking ill see what i can find in here

**tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 8:19**

Rose puts her phone away.

Good news, Jade also seems to be powerless like all the rest of us. We may be able to use this.

Alright then, how are we playing this?

1 SUGGEST WE D1STR4CT H3R W1TH SOM3TH1NG

TH3N W3 G3T TH3 DROP, 4ND DO WH4T3V3R W3 N33D TO DO

Bating could work… But what could we even use?

As soon as Rose says that, the narrative has switched for a brief moment!

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and you are hiding from some dumb Earth folklore creature that has become your best friend, in what humans call a “pantry.” You don’t want to admit it, but the thought of being found is almost enough to make you want to use your pants as a load gaper. You really hope one of your friends isn't already considering ironically using you as live bait right now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably wondering, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KIDS GOD POWERS ALL OF A SUDDEN?! All will be revealed... Muhahaha.


	9. John: Begin the plan!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our characters put their Jadewolf retaliation plans to action, and get a surprise.

You are now John again. Technically it’s been seven chapters since you were last John, but he doesn’t know that now does he? You’ve come up with a plan, along with your other friends hiding in Dave’s bedroom. Here’s how it’ll go down, Jade will be distracted by a wad of toilet paper, and while she’s possibly distracted, you’ll all surround her, pin her to the ground and tie her up with some power cords! It’s so ingenious that it might have a chance of work- Oh alright it’s a pretty shit plan but you’re kind of NOT trying to be mauled.

You confirm the time of attack with your friends. You grab the toilet paper roll, toss it out the door, and a few seconds later, every one of you all burst out the room like badasses, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL. You all charge towards the werewolf Jade and… Huh? She’s… Out cold. She seems to have been knocked out by something! Standing over her is Karkat, holding a rolling pin, and looking pissed. You’re probably sure that’s his default expression.

WELL, THANKS FOR LEAVING ME IN A FUCKING FOOD CLOSET, ASSHOLES!

karkat! you’re okay?

AMAZINGLY? YES. NO THANKS TO YOU NOOKSUCKERS.

oh shit

i just thought you were in dirks room or something

but youre all here brandishing a rolling pin

being all

fuck this i aint got time for cliché bullshit

Y34H K4RK4T, TH4T W4S

W3LL, 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF UN3XP3CT3D. HOW D1D YOU KNOW J4D3 W4S POW3RL3SS?

It’s pretty obvious that he looked out the door.

ACTUALLY, I JUST SORT OF DID THIS OUT OF PURE RAGE.

MOSTLY FOR THE FACT THAT AS SOON AS I SET FOOT ON THIS MUDBALL ON A PLANET, I LEARN “WONDERFUL HUMAN CULTURAL TIDBITS” LIKE EATING CANDY OUT OF BUCKETS, CELEBRATING AN EVENT OF HISTORY JUST FOR A VACATION, AND THAT APPARIENTLY PEOPLE TURN INTO ANIMAL BULLSHIT.

I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH!

Wait, how did you even manage to pull this off?

I understand if you caught her by surprise, but your Strife Specibus is set to Sicklekind, correct?

Karkat then pulls out a green Strife Specibus card, on it is labelled “rollingpinkind.”

damn

i didnt know we had that in the pantry

why do we even have it anyway

I don’t know, and frankly I just don’t care at the moment. We should probably focus on tying up Jade should she wake up.

You all do that. You bound her hands and feet with the wire. She looks… Even weirder than before. At least you get a bit of a closer look at her. Underneath the fur on her face, there’s a bit of a bruise on the side of her forehead. Ow. You all complete your work, and set her down on the couch. JUST for safe measure, Roxy also grabs a wad of duct tape and tapes Jade to it. That’s a LITTLE bit excessive, but…

Once everything is set and done, you all take a break. Your friends discuss what to do now, and Roxy begins to speak with Karkat.

so wait

howd you eevn manage to jump up on her liek that???

TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, I HAVE NO IDEA.

AS SOON AS I JUMPED OUT, SHE GROWLED AT ME, AND THEN

I DON’T EVEN KNOW. SHE JUST STOPPED, AND LOOKED A BIT CONFUSED. THEN I HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS SQUISHING WHEEL, AND THEN YOU SHOWED UP LIKE THE DOUCHEBAGS YOU ALL ARE.

dude, is that really what trolls call rolling pins?

YES. DOES IT SERIOUSLY FUCKING MATTER WHAT NAME A GOD DAMN KITCHEN TOOL HAS?

i don’t think so?

but yeah, go on man.

I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY, BUT… SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE RECOGNISED ME FOR A SECOND THERE. LIKE SHE WAS CONFUSED AT WHY SHE WAS ACTING LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL.

Rose walks up to you three.

So it would seem we have a plan.

oh really?

Yes. We’re agreeing to take turns watching Jade should she wake up. We continue this until the sun goes up, and if she changes back to normal, we’ll take her to Roxy and I’s house to find out how she became affected with this condition.

SO YOU’RE SAYING WE STAY UP FOR…

FUCK, HOW LONG UNTIL THE SUN RISES?

About ten hours.

OH FUCK THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? TONIGHT WAS SHIT. THIS IS SHIT. I’M OUT.

aww man, but you just got here an hour ago!

FUCK YOU EGBERT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMBASS HUMAN TRADITIONS. I’M GOING BACK TO ALTERNIA. AT LEAST WE DON’T HAVE POINTLESS “HOLLIDAYS” FOR THE SAKE OF BEING POINTLESS.

H3Y, K4RK4T? QU3ST1ON.

WHAT.

HOW 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO DO TH4T 4G41N?

Karkat’s expression changes to that of grim realization.

…

um… you alright karkat?

YEAH, I’M JUST PEACHY. NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO USE YOUR LOAD GAPER.

Karkat runs off into the bathroom, and slams the door shut behind him. You wonder what his problem is!

 

You’re now Karkat. You’ve locked yourself in this room in order to get some time to think. But screw that, you’re going to message the SHIT out of the guy who helped you get here in the first place.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 8:26

GC: NICE JOB, FUCKASS.

GC: BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M STUCK ON THIS ROCK, WITH NO WAY BACK. NICE FUCKING JOB!

TA: what.

GC: YOU HEARD ME, I’M TRAPPED. ON THIS SHIT-FOR-BRAINS PLANET.

TA: what the hell do you mean you’re trapped?

GC: YOUR FUCKING TELEPORTER BULLSHIT IS A ONE WAY TRIP. HOW COULD THAT NOT BE OBVIOUS?!

TA: kk calm the fuck down you 2houldn’t be 2tuck ii told you to take the return button.

GG: WAIT WHAT.

TA: the button that warp2 you back two the portal?

GG: THAT’S A THING?

TA: oh my fuck youre actually 2eriou2 about thii2.

TA: ii told you about the damn button before you left how diid you not grab iit?

GG: OKAY, TO BE HONEST

GG: I WASN’T REALLY LISTENING TO YOU. I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS OVER AND DONE WITH ALREADY.

GG: I’M BETTING THAT NOT EVEN TEREZI LISTENED TO YOU.

TA: wow.

GG: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

TA: ii cant beliieve you riight now. you go u2e a hiighly experiimental teleporter and you completely faiil to remember that the button that take2 you back two the thiing exii2t2.

TA: fuckiing iincrediible.

GG: LOOK, CAN YOU JUST SEND THE GOD DAMN BUTTON TO US ALREADY?

TA: no iif ii diid iit would ju2t end up on 2ome random a22 part of the planet. and no way iin 2hiit am ii goiing two giive it two you.

GG: WHY THE FUCK NOT?

TA: you iignored the mo2t iimportant part fucka22.

TA: and there2 no damn way ii’m goiing on a journey acro22 the planet two deliiver a fucking button.

TA: get 2omeone el2e two do iit.

GG: ASYFAFWDFSATASRDF

GG: FUCKING

GG: FINE.

GG: THANKS FOR NOTHING CAPTOR.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TT] at 8:30

You leave the room, and walk back into the lounge.

WELL, GUESS WHO’S GETTING TO STAY FOR A WHILE?

 

It’s been several hours now. The Earth sun begins to rise from across the horizon. Jade hasn’t woken up since you whacked her with that “rolling pin” or whatever humans call it. Seriously, the ideas that rattle around in their miserable excuses for think pans. What kind of alien race only invents the art of filming in their 20th century?! You and Terezi, being nocturnal, are only JUST starting to feel tired. The others, however, are looking rather tired. Roxy has practically fallen asleep, and the rest are having some mild difficulty staying awake. The sun finally looms ahead of the buildings out the window, and fresh, irritating sunlight pours in. As soon as it enters the room, Jade’s body begins to flash and cackle with green lightning.

woah hey

somethings

actually happening

You can’t see it from behind his sunglasses, but Dave has some pretty bad bags under his eyes. The green lightning continues, and the strange features on Jade begin to retract. Her fur seemingly dissolves, along with her hair losing the white streaks. Her height and bulk are restored to her original, and her teeth and fingernails are also reverted. Her eyes open.

wow… how long was i out for that time???

Jade then looks at just about all of you.

oh hi guys!!! um… why am i covered in duct tape?

You’re not really sure what to say… “OH HEY JADE, YOU TURNED INTO A MONSTER SO I HIT YOU OVER THE SIDE OF THE HEAD. YOU’RE WELCOME!” Thankfully, John says something before any of you do.

jade? i think we know why you keep falling asleep…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Hoo boy, made a few typos with Sollux's account name. This is what I get for working late.


	10. Jade: Receive bad news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this shorter than average chapter progresses the plot a little more.

You are now Jade. You’re not in a particularly good mood at the moment, because your best friend just told you that you’re a werewolf! Or... Something like that. Honestly, it happened off screen (panel? Page? Whatever) so it’s a bit hard to recall. Oh yeah, plus you feel pretty tired.

wait what???

uh, yeah. turns out you really have become a furry now! heheh…

You give John a slightly un-amused look.

wow sorry. that was kind of harsh.

oh no its okay! im just sort of adjusting to the news…

what happened last night anyway???

Dave steps forward. He doesn’t seem all that lively. Dude's probably tired.

dude

jade

i saw you do all green lightning shit

and then you became a dumbass werewolf

you pretty much tried to attack us

then your

Dave pauses to yawn.

your powers or whatever poofed out and so did ours i think

but they came back when the sun came up or something

then karkat beat you over the head with a rolling pin

SURPRISINGLY I ONCE FANTASIZED ABOUT DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO JUST ABOUT ALL OF YOU.

AND YES, I STILL DO.

love you too man

EAT A BULGE STRIDER.

You’re not really going to question Dave and Karkat’s relations with eachother. Frankly, you still have no idea how quadrants work. Or is this just normal… Weird angry flirting? Are the two even feeling romantic for each other? You feel like you should probably ask one of your friends who is an expert on shipping for guidance. You actually wonder what she’s been up to the past week! But we’ll get to her later… Not in this story though, no.

so how did this even happen to you jade?

the werewolf thing. was it always there or something?

no! i am not sure but i kept feeling this weird presence ever since we got here!

so that thing we noticed up on the roof

yes that!

well shit

we have a fucking mystery on our hands

way to go fate

Right, anyway, Jade

As you may already know, Roxy, Rose and I have agreed to take you back to their residence. There we will use all sorts of mad technology to find out what caused you to transform, and if it could happen again and can be potentially stopped.

wait so… experiment on me??? 0_0

Less “experiment,” and more “observe.”

We may even get an explanation on why we lost our god abilities when you transformed.

HEY, AS MUCH AS I ENJOY BEING ON THIS PLANET, WHICH I DON’T, I FEEL YOU’RE ALL FORGETTING SOMETHING.

TEREZI AND I ARE FUCKING STUCK!

oh shit thats right

so now what

do you guys just stay here and get to listen to me break out sick rhymes or whatever

be just like old times

4S MUCH 4S 1 WOULD 3NJOY H34R1NG YOUR R4PS D4V3

1 H4V3 L4WS TO 3NFORC3, 4ND JUST1C3 TO B3 S3RV3D

WHAT.

YOU HAVEN’T EVEN JUDGED ANYONE YET, YOU DOUCHE! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT TROLL TO GO BACK TO ALTERNIA?

W3LL 1D B3 MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N YOU

WH4T H4V3 YOU DON3 FOR 4LT3RN14 L4T3LY K4RK4T? WH4TS YOUR ROY4L ROL3?

I

UH…

FUCK, YOU ACTUALLY GOT ME THERE.

POINT IS, SOLLUX ISN’T GOING TO GET US BACK THERE ANY TIME SOON.

didn’t you piss him off or something? some junk about a “return button?”

YES JOHN. THAT.

SO L3TS 4SK SOM3ON3 3LS3 TO G3T US OFF TH3N

dude

phrasing

OFF 34RTH, DUMMY

Well, I would suggest calling the attention of one of your friends who would be able to assist us in this situation, and not just for the sake of delivering a simple button that you could have obtained, had you listened.

FUCK YOU LALONDE

I WAS IN A HURRY.

To do what, exactly? Go attend a party you had no intent on coming to?

I ONLY CAME BECAUSE EGBERT WOULDN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. HE WAS FUCKING ANNOYING ME!

AND SOLLUX WASN’T ANY HELP EITHER. HE JUST KEPT GOING ALL

“OH HEY KK DON’T FORGET TO MAKE SURE YOUR ATOMS ARE STABLIZED, GIVE ME A MESSAGE IF YOU ARRIVE SAFELY, BLUH BLUH SCIENCE BULLSHIT.”

I see. Well, by now I would suggest contacting one of your friends to bring you back then, assuming they can find you once they arrive.

We could also ensure that they will be able to assist us in our current situation, too.

THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?

I’m saying we need someone that can commune to animals, in order to see if we can attempt to calm Jade should she transform again.

OH YEAH, SURE. AND MAKE US STAY HERE LONGER. REAL FUCKING GREAT PLAN THERE.

1 4CTU4LLY DONT M1ND TH1S PL4C3

SO M4NY T4STY COLOURS TO CHOOS3 FROM

OF COURSE YOU’D FUCKING LIKE THIS PLACE. AND LALONDE, JUST WHO THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN GET TO HELP YOU WITH THIS BULLSHIT EXCUSE FOR A

OH GOD IT IT’S TAVROS ISN’T IT?

Rose nods. You’re not a Seer, but even THAT was painfully obvious.


End file.
